Ten Ways of Looking at the Golden Globes

1) How much do you love that when you click on the "Golden Globes" link to the left, the awards show's homepage features a picture and bio of "Miss Golden Globes 2005," Kathryn Eastwood, daughter of Clint? Apparently it's an honor bestowed each year on a "second-generation performer," whose responsibilities include the onstage distribution of statuettes. Previous actor-spawn to have borne the title include Laura Dern (Bruce Dern's daughter), Joely Fisher (Eddie Fisher's), and Melanie Griffith (Tippi Hedren's). If we needed any more evidence that this occasion is a profoundly nepotistic, insidery one, there it is. (Not that following in Mom or Dad's footsteps is always a bad choice; I'll see anything with Laura Dern in it.)  Scariest of all, though: last year's "Miss Golden Globes" (a title just waiting to be made into a dirty joke) was the starlet of tomorrow, 18-year-old Lily Costner.

2) Turning to the nominations themselves: You know what movie I feel sorry for? The Machinist. I mean, poor once-hunky heartthrob Christian Bale loses 63 pounds, becoming (to judge by the trailers) a horrifying, ashen wraith, and neither the movie nor the performance gets nominated for any awards? And worse, no one even sees the damn thing? I tried to last night, out of pure sympathy, but it seems to have left town. The phenomenon of radically transforming one's body for a role, often in irrevocable and self-destructive ways, has always seemed both awe-inspiring and profoundly disgusting to me, like something out of Cronenberg's The Fly – it’s one of the reasons I haven’t seen Super Size Me yet, though I like its circus-stunt premise.

3) Most of the TV noms don't move me much one way or the other, but in the category of Best Supporting Actor in a TV series, I really would like to see Oliver Platt win an award for his amazing work as the substance-addicted lawyer on Showtime's Huff. I've always adored Oliver Platt -- I'd like to see him play Falstaff, or Bottom, or Orson Welles -- and he's really made that show his own this season. God knows Jeremy Piven is good in Entourage, and William Shatner kills in Boston Legal, but they're already beloved by cult fans -- give Platt his due!

4) Why doesn’t The Wire ever, ever get nominated for anything? (See #5)

5) Calling Jamie Foxx’s role in Collateral a "Supporting Actor" part seems so inexact as to be borderline offensive. What, because he was driving while black? Foxx’s cabbie is clearly the movie’s protagonist, and his screen time is, at the very least, equal to Tom Cruise’s, if not significantly greater (the whole opening with Jada Pinkett-Smith is Cruise-free, as is the long – too long – “Santa Claus” scene with Javier Bardem.) I guess because Foxx is already nominated for a Best Actor award for Ray, they had to spread the wealth around a little. But the fact remains that he was very good in two leading roles this year. Why not nominate him for both? Is that unprecedented?

6) The era of Sex and the City has been definitively supplanted by that of Desperate Housewives, like the mammals replacing the reptiles. Though the HBO series only went off the air nine months ago, it feels like ancient history. Any doubt about that can be cleared up by looking at the list of "Best Actress in a Television Series" nominations: The names of three women from the new ABC show -- Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman -- literally crush down upon the name of Sarah Jessica Parker, separated from her oppressors only by the meager cushion of Debra Messing. (I agree with Aaron: why is Will & Grace still being recognized as an important show? Is it straight person's guilt or something? I've always been depressed by this sitcom, but if it ever had a peak, it's past it now.)

7) If Charlie Kaufman doesn't win the award for Best Original Screenplay, I'll -- what will I do? Dye my hair blue, like Kate Winslet in the movie, and take the train out to Montauk and gaze moodily at the sea. In fact, I may do that anyway.

8) Does anyone actually know any of the songs nominated for  Best Original Song? Aaron, you saw Phantom of the Opera last night --  have you spent all day humming "Learn to Be Lonely"? When I saw that category, I wondered why  nothing fromTeam America: World Police had been nominated, and not only because Kim Jong-Il's moving ballad, "I'm So Ronery," evoked the title of the Phantom song. I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone's true gift is for songwriting; it took me weeks to get Team America 's "America, Fuck Yeah!" theme song out of my head.

9) If Imelda Staunton won Best Actress for Vera Drake, it would be such a vicarious triumph for normal-looking women everywhere (in addition, of course, to being richly deserved, but who expects that at awards ceremonies?). It would just be so great to see this tiny, stout person sweep past Uma, Scarlett, Nicole and Hilary, all of them dripping in borrowed Harry Winston jewels, and hold aloft an award approximately as tall as she is.

10) To judge by the website, this year's GG ceremony, like last year's, has no host. It's a postmodern awards show, freed from the shackles of hostocentrism! Unfortunately, that very freedom made last year's proceedings feel sort of rudderless -- have the Golden Globes given up on emcees for good? Maybe, like the Phantom of the Opera, we'll just have to "learn to be lonely."

Comments

[Luke]

I care just the tiniest bit about the Oscars, and not at all for the Golden Globes.

[Vince Keenan]

I'm sure Christian Bale will recover from being overlooked by the Globes this year. After all, he's got his Bat-franchise to think about. Besides, The Machinist has video smash written all over it. The movie's tone was so gloomy that after a while it became funny -- Jesus, how bad is it gonna get for this poor bastard? But there's a reason for all the murk, which ultimately proved quite moving.

You know who I feel bad for? Kevin Spacey. The Globes are the only awards recognition Beyond the Sea is likely to get, and the film's already gone from theaters after only 2 weeks. But his work in it as an actor is so startling -- a hypnotic tribute to performance as a way of living one's life -- that I'd be tempted to give him a prize for the sheer ballsiness of it. Sunday is going to be his one moment in the sun. Until the DVD comes out, and people realize how bizarrely entertaining his movie is.

[Ben]

Re: item number 5, it's how they campaigned for Jamie Foxx. Becuase you can't have two performances nominated in the Best Actor category at the Oscars/GGs, DreamWorks and (I'm sure) Jamie's "people" decided to work the supporting category for Collateral. (Kinda like when Nicole Kidman won Best Actress for The Hours, while Julianne Moore, nominated for supporting actress, actually had more screen time.)

[dvd]

I imagine Aaron does not have that song running through his head because he probably left Phantom as soon as the credits (over which the song is played, it being a new one written solely for awards consideration) hit the screen -- I know I did. Yuck.

Did anyone read Lisa Schwarzbaum's review of The Machinist, which she gave a D- for the sole apparent reason that Bale's weight loss called to mind the victims of the Holocaust and was therefore in bad taste? Anyone agree with her? Anyone know what she thought of Super-Size Me? For the record, I thought the movie was decent.

[la depressionada]

Feel bad for Christian Bale. His asceticism apparently kicked off a dormant eating disorder.

As for Kevin Spacey, how could one of the most un-charismatic actors of the last decade portray one of most charismatic entertainers of the twentieth century and have the hubris to use his own voice as well? Thud.

[Michael]

RE: # 4--"The Wire" doesn't get nominated for anything because it doesn't make any fucking sense. I remember watching it the season it started, when I was willing to try any series HBO put out. The acting was terrific, but after about six episodes I just threw up my hands at trying to keep track of the cast of thousands. Maybe I'll give it another shot on DVD one of these days. And yes, I consider myself to be (as Yogi said) smarter than the average bear.

[gwenda]

I haven't seen The Machinist yet, but am looking forward to it. I think Brad Anderson's going to do something really, really beyond amazing someday. Such range. Happy Accidents is one of my favorite movies, and it took YEARS to even get released on DVD (and was barely in the theaters). That the same director is even able to make both dark and light movies is something.

[dave]

I saw The Machinist, and it suffers from the same problems in Anderson's equally frustrating Session 9. The movie is brilliant to watch, it just looks fantastic, and Anderson knows how to stage a scene, but in his third act, he allows the movie to fall apart - he is unable to tie all the loose ends together, and rushses towards the credits. Anderson also has this problem with clunky editing, where some of the juxtapositions just seem so wrong, the timing completley off. It is a systemic problem with him (I don't have the movie in front of me so I can't bring in the evidence, sorry). Bale's performance was calculated in a good way, but the movie was altogether mediocre, and I don't see its lack of praise as suprising.