1) How much do you love that when you click on the "Golden Globes" link to the left, the awards show's homepage features a picture and bio of "Miss Golden Globes 2005," Kathryn Eastwood, daughter of Clint? Apparently it's an honor bestowed each year on a "second-generation performer," whose responsibilities include the onstage distribution of statuettes. Previous actor-spawn to have borne the title include Laura Dern (Bruce Dern's daughter), Joely Fisher (Eddie Fisher's), and Melanie Griffith (Tippi Hedren's). If we needed any more evidence that this occasion is a profoundly nepotistic, insidery one, there it is. (Not that following in Mom or Dad's footsteps is always a bad choice; I'll see anything with Laura Dern in it.) Scariest of all, though: last year's "Miss Golden Globes" (a title just waiting to be made into a dirty joke) was the starlet of tomorrow, 18-year-old Lily Costner.
2) Turning to the nominations themselves: You know what movie I feel sorry for? The Machinist. I mean, poor once-hunky heartthrob Christian Bale loses 63 pounds, becoming (to judge by the trailers) a horrifying, ashen wraith, and neither the movie nor the performance gets nominated for any awards? And worse, no one even sees the damn thing? I tried to last night, out of pure sympathy, but it seems to have left town. The phenomenon of radically transforming one's body for a role, often in irrevocable and self-destructive ways, has always seemed both awe-inspiring and profoundly disgusting to me, like something out of Cronenberg's The Fly – it’s one of the reasons I haven’t seen Super Size Me yet, though I like its circus-stunt premise.
3) Most of the TV noms don't move me much one way or the other, but in the category of Best Supporting Actor in a TV series, I really would like to see Oliver Platt win an award for his amazing work as the substance-addicted lawyer on Showtime's Huff. I've always adored Oliver Platt -- I'd like to see him play Falstaff, or Bottom, or Orson Welles -- and he's really made that show his own this season. God knows Jeremy Piven is good in Entourage, and William Shatner kills in Boston Legal, but they're already beloved by cult fans -- give Platt his due!
4) Why doesn’t The Wire ever, ever get nominated for anything? (See #5)
5) Calling Jamie Foxx’s role in Collateral a "Supporting Actor" part seems so inexact as to be borderline offensive. What, because he was driving while black? Foxx’s cabbie is clearly the movie’s protagonist, and his screen time is, at the very least, equal to Tom Cruise’s, if not significantly greater (the whole opening with Jada Pinkett-Smith is Cruise-free, as is the long – too long – “Santa Claus” scene with Javier Bardem.) I guess because Foxx is already nominated for a Best Actor award for Ray, they had to spread the wealth around a little. But the fact remains that he was very good in two leading roles this year. Why not nominate him for both? Is that unprecedented?
6) The era of Sex and the City has been definitively supplanted by that of Desperate Housewives, like the mammals replacing the reptiles. Though the HBO series only went off the air nine months ago, it feels like ancient history. Any doubt about that can be cleared up by looking at the list of "Best Actress in a Television Series" nominations: The names of three women from the new ABC show -- Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman -- literally crush down upon the name of Sarah Jessica Parker, separated from her oppressors only by the meager cushion of Debra Messing. (I agree with Aaron: why is Will & Grace still being recognized as an important show? Is it straight person's guilt or something? I've always been depressed by this sitcom, but if it ever had a peak, it's past it now.)
7) If Charlie Kaufman doesn't win the award for Best Original Screenplay, I'll -- what will I do? Dye my hair blue, like Kate Winslet in the movie, and take the train out to Montauk and gaze moodily at the sea. In fact, I may do that anyway.
8) Does anyone actually know any of the songs nominated for Best Original Song? Aaron, you saw Phantom of the Opera last night -- have you spent all day humming "Learn to Be Lonely"? When I saw that category, I wondered why nothing fromTeam America: World Police had been nominated, and not only because Kim Jong-Il's moving ballad, "I'm So Ronery," evoked the title of the Phantom song. I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone's true gift is for songwriting; it took me weeks to get Team America 's "America, Fuck Yeah!" theme song out of my head.
9) If Imelda Staunton won Best Actress for Vera Drake, it would be such a vicarious triumph for normal-looking women everywhere (in addition, of course, to being richly deserved, but who expects that at awards ceremonies?). It would just be so great to see this tiny, stout person sweep past Uma, Scarlett, Nicole and Hilary, all of them dripping in borrowed Harry Winston jewels, and hold aloft an award approximately as tall as she is.
10) To judge by the website, this year's GG ceremony, like last year's, has no host. It's a postmodern awards show, freed from the shackles of hostocentrism! Unfortunately, that very freedom made last year's proceedings feel sort of rudderless -- have the Golden Globes given up on emcees for good? Maybe, like the Phantom of the Opera, we'll just have to "learn to be lonely."